Human nature or am just toxic๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚.

There are those specific times that I would just be so angry at myself or someone and I can’t really help it. And I would just laugh along or kind of pretend we are all good and all but inside am all burning with some negative feeling I can’t really put my finger on.

Y’all know completely different faces that I portray depending on who you are,but am not sure I have ever actually portrayed who I really am. Am not even sure I know who I am. Am afraid of whoever I am,because all the pent up energy I keep in me is super scary.

I know you are lost already,lemme try help you figure my shit out that I haven’t really figured out myself. I see the whole in a totally weird n personalised perspective, you may call it selfish, and maybe that’s what it is .

We all do have friends and seeing them happy is usually quite fulfilling for most of us,am not sure that is my case. I don’t know how to explain it,okay,I do get thrilled when you people do well but I hate it when I start to feel like its a competition.

I hate feeling like am competing for anything. I would rather get away or quit the whatever is being competed for.

I have this friend,let’s label him or her “Orchie”. Orchid is quite close,,,but then I am always insecure when it comes to Orchie, I feel like Orchie would charm whoever and again I would be the third party. No lie,Orchie’s energy has always been charming and I can’t really blame her/him. On the other hand,my energy is kind of depends on my mood. If I were to pick between the two of us,it would definitely be her. You get me now.

So,it has happened a number of times,and I have become the third parties to everyone mutual. At times I get angry at Orchie,but then,its not entirely his/her fault.

Another case is,I start a project, and some friend decides to work on the project,so I sort of quit it,since again,I hate competing with someone ,especially if we close .I start another and , guess what, he catches up,๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚am I over thinking it?

I still haven’t figured out whatever those feelings are,I just know I hate them,and I hate myself for having them. Is this what you people call human nature or… Am just toxic๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚help a sis out

6 thoughts on “Human nature or am just toxic๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚.

  1. It’s normal to feel jealous when your friend becomes likeable to your friends more than you but you shouldn’t let that feeeling eat you up rather embrace the fact that your friends are getting along better and that you can all be friends. ๐Ÿค—

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I get you because thats me. I think the best way to deal with this is stop comparing because there will always be someone you feel is better than you and focus more on your strengths.Nice piece though and seriously this is one of you strength s

    Liked by 2 people

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