Clowning

Just the other day when i was going through statuses,I came across a meme that asked Google how much clowns earn in a year. I was amazed to be honest,considering how big a clown l had been a few months ago,l would have been a billionaire by now.

Basically,clowning is any behaviour in dating and relationship that you know is bad for you,or fundamentally stupid,but you go ahead in doing it hoping for a positive outcome or in full awareness,that the outcome would be horrendous .

At around mid July after my 19th birthday which was early July,l enrolled in a clownery college,rented a wig and oversized clothes in tow 😹😹.In my defence,l was ignited though .

There was this guy,I had ‘just’ liked for some years ,but I just laid it off and considered him a friend,a best friend to be quite specific .We had had a little mishap three months earlier and we weren’t talking for that while. So the heart grew fonder which each day of the absence 😪.

So you can imagine the excitement in me when we started talking again .He literally honked my red fat nose on when he suggested he liked me 😹😹😹.Wedding bells 🔔🔔🔔🔔!!!That was exactly what I needed to plan our wedding and imagine us growing old together 😹😹😹😹(you can just go ahead and laugh because its funny,really funny 😹😹)

I like mystery and challenges. According to him our great challenge was distance so he wasn’t for it. That should have been a big red waving flag for me to back down..but did I 😹😹 Christ ,I outdid myself trying to find solutions for each challenge ,I am the optimistic type while he was the realistic type.

Dating itself is hectic ,imagine being interested in someone that you do the dumbest stuff to pamper his ego.I literally changed my sleep schedule to be up at midnight so I could talk to him and sleep when he was supposedly busy with schoolwork or asleep.

Lets just say I was obsessed and addicted to this guy. According to researchers,this “addiction” reduces the cognitive thinking of an individual and we cant help it. We keep up with our foolery. The good news is that this decrease in cognitive thinking lasts for a short while. Somewhat a honeymoon phase,that makes us think we acting rationally,when I reality *cues circus music 😹😹.

As much as this would have an end,it will mostly reoccur,then the shame that comes with it as we reflect on our actions. It will keep re- occurring because as much as its shameful and don’t like admitting that we are doing it ,having a safe space where we are brutally honest of our feelings is quite satisfying,don’t you think?

So,the “lemme send one more message ,it might click something in his head and it will change everything “. Its not just a you thing,its happening all over,and thanks to the internet and memes,we have a haven to hide. It normal and okay,since we all really want something to work out that we lost ourselves in it and yet it didnt ,so we feel bamboozled like a damn fool.

The good thing is that we realized our stupid actions and mistakes. We are conscious and mindful human beings now and that’s we feel like clowns.

The next time you are about to send that fourth message In a row,we would pause to think,why that person is only okay with talking to you at a a specific time and he ain’t making any efforts to fit your schedule as you are.

If your friends with a clown,keep in mind that they are in a very complicated situation and possibly in an emotional turmoil.

There are so many reasons that a person can be clowning;

1.They could be products of a family where their parents have a toxic relationship,so in their little words ,that’s how its supposed to be. But its not,we all have a choice to choose and be in a relationship that we want. We have a choice to decide how we will be treated..and if its not so…please walk away. In fact,run!

2. Probably they feel like they cant do any better than the person they have in mind so they don’t want to let go. This is usually as a result of low esteem and you can definitely have better and deserve better. If you would only see how much more you are and believe in yourself.

3. They worry what people would think and do if they realise their relationship ain’t working. probably everyone around them thinks its perfect and shouldn’t be destroyed. But its not about them ,its all on you,you’re the one in a relationship and if you not happy as you should be..Run

Most of the clowns are always in denial till reality hits